⚖️Get Sexually Empowered & Dissolve Your Inner Critic⚖️

Writing this article has taken me longer than expected and I feel the dominating reason is that I oftentimes still struggle with the issues that I'm about to share with you today. This paradigm of thinking not only affects us as women but many men as well. I truly believe if we educate ourselves and shift our thoughts on our bodies that it can pave the way for us to have deeper, healthier relationships.

How much do you weigh? 

This can be the "dreaded question," where people can feel shame on either side: from feeling they are either too "heavy" or too "light". We often meet this question with lies, anxiety, or insults, but honestly, it's just a number! (There can be a difference in a healthy weight and an unhealthy weight.

This should be determined by a physician.) I don't want to get too deep into weight itself because we all have a weight that works for our body, keeping us at a healthy and happy state. My rant on body weight is actually more in regards to what our society has painted as acceptable. We are continually brainwashed and shamed by media and social media which portray people with perfect bodies engaging in sexy, happy, picture-perfect relations or intimacy.

We are all different and just because you don't compare to that perfect, photoshopped wo/man or lifestyle on Instagram, doesn't mean you don't deserve or can't give/receive love and intimacy. Just don't stress over it, or better yet, don't even compare yourself. Realize that you are the ONLY YOU in the world, your body is an identifier of who you are and has stuck with you 365, 24/7, every day since the beginning of your life.

Learn to express gratitude to your body. Look at yourself naked in the mirror and openly talk to yourself and your body as you caress each part of it. Make sure and pay attention to those places you feel you may love a little less and consciously show them the most love! Do this every day or at least 3 times a week. Sometimes our body weight can interfere with how we express ourselves, so if having a certain body type caters to you, then you should do what is needed to achieve that. I personally feel my best when I'm in shape, exercising, and toned up so I work hard every day to be that. Why? Because I know it makes me feel better, helps me treat others better, and assists me in strengthening my mind. It also empowers me when it comes to intimacy and love for my partner.

For some, feeling your best means looking your best, and for others, they can find comfort without any focus on the external at all. Either way, do what feels right for you and what keeps your body in a healthy and happy state. 

See the body you want and make it happen! 

Close your eyes for a second and imagine your body in the best version of you that you could be, go ahead... What did you see? Did you see yourself as you are? Or how you wish to be? This is a great example of body image and I've just shared with you a positive way in which to shape your mental state when it comes to your body image. Unfortunately, there are many who see the opposite when they close their eyes. They see a distorted and untrue image of themselves, sometimes even looking in a mirror some still see an image that makes them feel negative about their body.

The image we have of our body is shaped by our society, relationships, intimacy, personal image, and so much more. Getting to a healthy place when it comes to body image takes work, but it's work that is worth every moment.

You can start this mental transformation by doing something for yourself or for others every time you feel that voice in your mind come back. Go for a walk, take a bubble bath, get a massage, exercise, volunteer, help others, or get out and travel. Do something that brings you happiness and reminds you that you're a whole being -- not just an external body. You are enough and you have value in all that you already are. Our body image can sometimes keep us from expressing ourselves in the intimate ways we wish, as well. So when you feel those pesky thoughts come back during intimacy, remind yourself to "Be Here Now" In This Moment. Caress and appreciate your partner's body, or ask your lover for reassurance about your body anytime you need it. Then work on the other external outlets that will assist you in bettering that image of yourself. Remember, your body image is just your mental view of yourself or others, and the best remedy I've found for this is gratitude towards my own body and learning to admire others for their bodies, as opposed to criticizing or comparing.

Ultimately, your inner critic and the opinions of others can be detrimental to your body image so learning to control your own voice will assist greatly. Also, try to gain an understanding that people usually categorize and judge others as a way of making sense and competing within the world. Realize this isn't always the truth. Try spending time with those who truly love all of you, unconditionally, or just spend some alone time loving and spoiling yourself.

Sexual Expression has been in all that you do! 

Most of us go around in life never truly understanding the influence of our sexuality. Not only does it carry power with sex and its expression, but it's also a factor in your personality. Here's how...

Your gender and sexuality are two different expressions. Gender is the identity given to you based on your biological body parts, however, not everyone fits under the umbrellas of "male" and "female".

Some individuals feel within their core more to one side or the other, which is why I like to think of gender identity as a spectrum. Sexuality can be influenced by gender identity, but this isn't the only thing that creates our sexuality. Sexuality also includes your expression of intimacy towards others. It also involves the clothing and styles that you choose to wear. These things have been nurtured by society and your close friends and family, but they've also been greatly guided by your sexuality. When you pick a particular thing to wear, it's a direct expression of how you're feeling about your body, about your sexuality, and subconsciously, about other societal rules or expectations. These roles in which we esteem to fit into are also influencers of our sexual expression. For example, "fe/males should behave and dress like fe/males" is a limiting role. However, because sexuality can be a fluid expression, this often means that people don't always fit into these gender roles. Sexuality is unique to each individual and can be expressed in many different ways, from how we sit, talk, dance, and dress, to how we kiss, touch, have sex and show love.

However, because our society has categorized many of us as "male" or "female" many people feel shame or guilt when they want to express their sexuality in a way that doesn't fit into their "prescribed" gender identity.

My message to you in this article is that no one and no thing can define You, but You. Life is an experience. An experience involving change, transformation, and evolution. Doing things you feel express your authenticity are important to your overall health and well-being. It is time for us to stop constantly restraining genders based on the identity we as a society have given them.

This limits individuals and places them within a box of acceptable behaviors. Besides, our human experience is all about exploration and expression of self. So do what makes you feel sexy, empowered, loved, and in control of your choices and life expressions. This will assist you in getting closer to your best sexually empowered self and will benefit you in all other areas of your life as well.

So, starting today check your biases, let go of rules that limit our genders, get to know people, really know them, past "female" and "male" stereotypes. Show others by being an example. Show them what healthy human respect and self-worth look like. Don't limit yourself and be what you want to be, you have the power. If needed ask for help and push past the struggle to transform your paradigm on sexuality, body image, weight, and gender. You'll be surprised with how amazing you feel once you decide to shed these limiting human placements.

Cali Coach Nikki © 2019